Black Men and the Low Bar

Reoccurring conversations I have been having with a friend of mine seem to revolve around masculinity. The conversation reached its peak recently when I told this friend I was going to a gay bar for the first time. I’m bisexual if that matters. This friend hit me with a cloth line from hell about being safe. Mind you I have gone to bars solo a lot. I move constantly and never stay in one place long enough to let my roots settle in. Yet when I mentioned the gay bar warning about “savages” and “experience” came to play and I released he was treating me like I ,a 6’4 Bronx bred Black man, was a woman. There is a bunch of implication and conversation to be had there alone and while I wish I could discuss it all I am not the best person for the conversation. I am still a dude. However, upon realizing this I was instantly wounded in my pride as a man yet I couldn’t understand why. Was it the idea that I could be seen as vulnerable? Maybe it was the idea that I, as a Man couldn’t take care of myself. That night nothing happened beside me objectified by bisexual women and leaving early cause a drink was spilled on me and that ruined my night. Yet throughout the week the conversation of manhood came up over and over again. It came up but with a caveat, women, mostly Black women. How do Black women see masculinity and what is the state of Black masculinity.
To start what is the basic idea of Black masculinity. The most straight forward answer is sex. Black men are sexualized and objectified by all women, and men, of all races. I remember looking up Black Men on Tumblr a while back and only seeing Black be sexualized and nothing close to appreciation. This stands true to Black women as well. Black men are seen for sex. While Black men do the same thing to Black women, only viewing and using them for convenient sex, women have a safety net of appreciation to from other Black women to fall on. Black men do not. Black men have other Black men goading them into promiscuous behavior. Like when I explained my situation at the bar the response was sleep with one of the women objectifying and I responded in toe. Masquerading as if I missed an opportunity when I actually I just felt pressured to be a “Black” man rather than seen as a person.
My friend believes that this idea of a “Black” man or a “man” in general was upheld by the women that fall for and date these men. He feels women are attracted to men in boots because they are working men and fit the old stereotype. Also look for a man to take the lead on the relationship. The “Black” man is few in words, leads, sexually promiscuous, wanted by everyone, is physical in characteristic and simple. Added to this is the “fuck nigga’ culture where a man who lives at home with his mother and makes tree times less than his partner has three women whooing over him. For this reason my friend feels that Black women uphold the “fuck nigga” culture by constantly falling for these men. An example he bought up before is a singer who grew up without a father getting pregnant by a man who makes no plans to be there for the child. He was frustrated with the singers rant on social media and called out hypocrisy. I argue that there is no way she knew as everyone can sell a dream. Yet he and a few other stands on this belief that women dictate the behavior of men. If the women didn’t go for these kinds of men these kinds of men would die out.
Is the issue the fact that the bar is so low or is it a case of convenience? I am Bronx born and raised yet you will never find me in the Bronx or anywhere like that. I do rather well for myself live in a house and so on but I find it impossible to find a Black woman on my level of life or even to converse with. I wonder do Black women go through the same thing. Is it an issue of convenience? Where are the “good” Black men? Are there few good Black men because of the bar being set low or is it something being fed upon by a minority in the culture. Maybe it’s not even an issue and we are led to believe it is by what we see on TV. They’ll prompt up a bad couple or toxic Black man. But when’s the last time you heard Russel Wilson and Ciara in the news? Is it issue with toxic Black masculinity one Black women must help solve or is it not a problem at all and only made out to be one? I’m not sure but it’s a reoccurring conversation.

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