So a friend of mine told me to avoid making the blog personal. I, without much care, complied. However, I and catching myself finding it hard to write. It’s hard to write cause none of the topics are those that are on my mind currently. So I am trying something new today. Today’s post is one that will probably be shorter. It will not be a focus on anything negative or trying to educate but rather just a personal blog. Thank you for reading.
I am in a storm of changes out of my control. I got moved from the team I was working with. Then placed into a new group at my job. The statement of work is something so mind-boggling numb that I feel my resume was not read. If anyone took a moment to read my skills, degree, and work history they wouldn’t have put me in this group. I now have to find a new job. I do not subscribe to the “its a job’ mentality. That shit is weak. Full stop. I have graduate courses I can not focus on because I have to learn a new shit position and revamp my resume. Overall I am just tired. The worst part of it all is the people I have around me make it feel worst than it is.
They make it worst than it is because I feel none of them know how to hug a Black Man. It’s ridiculous-sounding but it’s true in my eyes. if I feel down and express it I get “I’m sorry” or a plan that isn’t even a plan. I told a friend that with everything going on I a tad too busy to practice Irish. His solution was to “stop being so busy then.” Great response and a great plan deadass 10/10 (this is sarcasm). I can’t vent without hearing someone else’s troubles. I can’t go a day without someone needing me or my opinion. Then when I am down all I get it plans and left alone.
I know I am a Black Man and that comes with a contract of I have to be “That Nigga” or suffer the consequences of being “This Nigga” but seriously does no one know how to console or hug a Black man. I am not talking about like the typical let him watch his sports, Black Man. Get him a PS5 Black Man. Do I get a break from having to have all my shit together on my own or is that just life? I am constantly getting flung into the air and have to twist myself to land on my feet.Finding myself once again thrown without my permission I find myself contorting again. My mind, body, and spirit not in the best of shape and I have to face the toll alone. Do brothers get hugs or is that shit just nonexistent? I don’t just mean physical hugs. I mean spiritual ones too. Must I always be bravado and secure. If I need someone to allow me a moment of weakness its always me and I must say that shit is unhealthy.
It leans into a “fuck bitches and nigga too” mentality. I can not find a reason to not agree with it. Are Black men suppose to be all bravado? All action? Maybe I am the one you malfunctioning. I am unsure but I feel we should normalize hugs. Allowing a man to have his moment of weakness. A moment of uncertainty without throwing a plan in his face. He won’t wallow in it I swear. Its just a pause. A breather. I remember my dad had those breathers but he did it alone. I guess my issue is the alone part. I think we should do more to allow this breather and be there for them. No empty apologies and plans. Just be there discussing nothing. Normalize the hug. If you haven’t hugged your son, father, partner or brother today just go do it. If one of your homies or friends are going through it bring them a laugh on a distraction. I bet it’ll mean the world to them. Way better than norm is right now. That’s just my opinion. What’s yours?